Tuesday, 26 November 2024: Two short and funny travel stories from Central America

I arrived back in Denver last Wednesday night and have not had time to publish more stories so far.  In the meantime, here are a couple of short, related anecdotes from my friend, Andy, in Uruguay.  I hope you find them very entertaining:

Your story of the El Salvador border crossing reminds me of my travels in Central America in the late 1990s though I was driving a school bus I had converted into a very rustic motor home.  When trying to enter Guatemala from Mexico, I was put in line with the trucks, and the Guatemalan customs guys tried to extort money from me.  So instead of paying, I made popcorn and hung out with the truckers who all had hammocks suspended under their truck trailers.  The truckers said their average time in line was three days if they refused to pay bribes for better service. They loved the popcorn, and it started a party of sorts which the customs officers did not appreciate.  Therefore, they ushered me through to the front of the line where they once again failed to get me to pay commercial vehicle fees.  My bus was blocking the border crossing, and some VIP could not get around me, so the wait was over. They gave up and charged me something like 5 bucks for a tourist vehicle. 

So glad the gangs are cleaned out of El Salvador for the most part. I had a few close calls with gangs in Honduras but mostly they left me alone.  I learned where their territories were and steered clear of them.  A friend’s daughter was not so lucky - she was raped by a gang at Lake Atitlan in Guatemala.

I was pulled over by a policeman in Honduras for not stopping at a road check station on the coast. The policeman said I could pay him 100 dollars cash, give him 15 minutes with one of the girls on my bus (it was my daughter’s high school graduation present to take her and 4 friends on the trip).  Or I could give him my passport and plead my innocence to the circuit judge when he came to town in a month or two.  He had tried to stop me the day before, but the bus was incredibly noisy, and I did not hear or see him. 

Being prepared for such situations, I put on my black preacher’s shade hat, grabbed my bible and cross from the dashboard, and told him my church had made it my duty to protect these girls.  I would die before I let him touch one of them.  He dropped to his knees on the bus steps and asked for forgiveness and a blessing, so I hit him on the head with the bible to drive the devil out of him and forgave him. The mood on the bus went from terror to raucous laughter as soon as we had cleared his post!

I’m too old now for such adventures, feeling very happy with the comforts of home.  I might take one more car trip through Brazil with my business partner and close friend.  I will insist on short driving days and comfortable beds.